Abby and I went to the park a few days ago to feed the ingrate ducks all the stale pretzels, Cheerios, and other bread-ish food that collects around small children. They are never very appreciative, which sometimes leads to my chucking cereal AT the ducks instead of TO them. Don't tell the animal protection people.
Anyway, at the park we ran into another mom and her kids, and while we swung our respective children, she initiated a conversation. I hate smalltalk, but it does provide amusement. For example, she asked when my baby is due, and then what I "do." I replied that I stay at home, and she said "Good for you! Good." A little later in the conversation, she asked how many kids Regis and I want to have. (Again, I hate smalltalk.) I joked that while my mom only had 7 kids, Regis' mom had 11, so we're just trying to beat her--then we'll be satisfied. She said, "Oh, I admire anyone who can have 7 kids." I agreed, and mentioned that Mom also graduated from law school while raising them, took the bar exam a few days after my sister's birth, and is basically amazing. She asked, "What kind of law does she practice?"
This is the part that puzzled me. I have one young child and one on the way. She showed no surprise that I am a stay-at-home mom; in fact, she heartily approved it (or faked as much). So why would she expect that a woman with 7 children would work outside the home in a field known for its intensity and long hours? I guess she could have assumed that we are all grown and out of the nest, but since I never mentioned where I fall in line, for all she knew, Mom still has kids under 10 at home.
Does that seem weird to you?
3 comments:
If someone told me that they had graduated from law school i would likely ask what they practiced too! (Plus she doesn't have the benefit of knowing about your family's extreme multitasking abilities!) I think people try to deduce what is important to you by what you bring up in conversation. I also have several friends who would be offended by someone assuming that they stayed home BECAUSE they had x number of kids so I guess you could take it either way. Just my two cents. Let's play soon:)
maybe she knows a lawyer and is wondering if you have lawyer-people with practices in commen.
or she stinks at small talk.
or she's lame.
i hate small talk too. i used to be really good at it. i mean it, i could have sturck up anything with anyone, but i REALLY stink at it now. i am getting more and more unfriendly the older i get.
when she asked what you "do" you should tell her that every once in awhile you hire yourself as a hitman.
why do people ask such stupid questions?
I didn't think it was weird either. When I first started law school, I thought it was weird that everyone, including my close friends who knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom, assumed that I would work. Now I know why - law school is expensive and a huge time drain, not to mention it takes a ton of work and commitment. I think it is natural to assume that, once someone has sunk that amount of resources into school, they intend to use it once they get out.
For what it is worth, my understanding is that Mom did intend to work outside the home, but things happened to derail that. First, her Mom died very early, and then later, Coral showed up unexpectedly.
That said, I do think people ask stupid questions. That's why small talk should only involve random, inconsequential things, rather than personal details. For example, she probably should have initiated a conversation by saying something like, "Aren't those ducks unappreciative? Sometimes I just want to throw my Cheerios at them." And then you could have agreed and had a lovely conversation.
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