Phil: Agent 003

I have a new car. Mmmmm. And it gives me road rage.

How, you might ask, do starving students afford a NEW car? Yes, new new new, not new-to-us. It had about 30 miles on it when we brought it home. Nice '07 Sonata, deepwater blue, with leather seats. I named him Phil. He's my graduation present from my parents, who are deeply concerned with the welfare of their children and therefore dangle the carrot of a new car next to those of parental approval, greater earning potential, and bigger smarternessness (oops, looks like I only nibbled that one). So, after three and a half years of intellectualism, I've been rewarded with my pretty car.

Napoleon is always very whole-hearted. We did lots of research about safety ratings, mileage, true cost to own, yadda yadda yadda. It's a good car. And it's got some REALLY good warranties. That was a big selling point for me, since our &^#@* Kia had barely lost its second-user warranty when it decided it was time to crumble to dust. I never liked driving the Kia much anyway, since it was a manual, and I liked driving it even less with the Check Engine and Airbag warning lights on.

So now we have Phil. Napoleon recently read an article (like this one) which said that people who name their cars are more likely to have road rage. I'm not sure if that's the reason, but something about this car makes me fiesty. I live in constant fear of my carport neighbors (who I'm not fond of anyway) dinging Phil's beautiful blue sides. I snarl at reckless drivers on the freeway. I nearly told off Br. Johnson after we gave him a ride home and he shut the door too hard. I have nightmares about teenage punks keying my car. And I try to beat everyone else off the line. This could be bad: what will I do when I have a little tyke who spits up, flings full sippy cups, and crumbles crackers in the car for entertainment?

At least I can enjoy having a nice clean car for . . . two more weeks?